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Old 02-11-2011, 01:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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some jokes

My boyfriend has no patience with me at all...


My boyfriend took me to my first football game awhile back. We had great seats right behind our team's bench.


After the game, my boyfriend asked me how I liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," I replied, "especially all the big muscles. But I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."


Dumbfounded, my boyfriend asked me, "What do you mean?"


"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!



............................................and... ...........................................



Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The ten o'clock news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.


The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"


Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."


The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."


Jack placed $30.00 on the bar and said, "You're on!"


Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.


The blonde was very upset and handed her $30.00 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."


Jack replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the five o'clock news and I knew he would jump."


The blonde replies, "I did too. But, I didn't think he'd do it again."


Jack took the money.



..........................................last one.............................................



My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name that had been in my high school class almost 40 years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?


Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.


After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.


“Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a Mustang,” he gleamed with pride.


“When did you graduate?”, I asked.


He answered, “In 1969. Why do you ask?”


“You were in my class!”, I exclaimed.


He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat-assed, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, “What did you teach?”
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Old 03-21-2011, 02:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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The last 1 was too funny!
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Old 03-21-2011, 02:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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LOL very funny
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